The Courage to Restart

The Courage to Restart

I still remember the exact moment I knew things had to change.

I was scheduled for another long consulting trip—more hotels, more restaurant meals, more time away from my family. Just thinking about it felt exhausting. Physically and mentally, I had reached my limit. I was disconnected from home, my health was declining, and I couldn't face one more day on the road. That morning, I simply didn’t show up. No call, no email—nothing. It wasn’t responsible, but it was honest. I couldn’t pretend anymore.

After leaving that role, I spent three years chasing various attempts at reinvention. Webinars, business ventures, art school, welding—I tried it all, searching for something that felt genuine. Eventually, my old company called me back, offering an analyst position. I took it, hoping a break had renewed my passion for IT. Instead, I found myself even more disconnected. My heart wasn’t in the work. Officially, I was laid off—but deep down, I knew it was my disengagement and poor performance that caused it.

Facing this reality was tough. I felt intense shame. I’d been successful—good money, great perks, a job many people envied. Admitting I couldn't handle it anymore felt like failure. Telling family and friends was especially hard. Each conversation seemed to reinforce my own doubts. Maybe my earlier success was luck. Maybe I wasn’t as capable as I'd believed. These thoughts turned into hesitation, fear, and more setbacks.

The turning point came unexpectedly through exercise. A friend, once a high-level athlete turned strength coach, saw me struggling. He introduced me to disciplined physical training—not just to improve my body, but to rebuild my mindset. Another friend became my daily training partner. Having someone committed to my progress made it impossible to quit. Five years later, that daily discipline remains a cornerstone of my life. It restored my confidence, sharpened my mental toughness, and showed me I could commit to difficult tasks and see them through.

Surprisingly, some skills from my IT career helped me thrive in these new areas. Problem-solving, communication, and dedicated learning—these transferred easily. The confidence I once had in IT slowly returned, built now on consistent action and authentic interests.

Still, overcoming the fear of judgment was challenging. People I cared about questioned my choices, sometimes harshly. I eventually realized their concerns reflected their own fears, not my potential. Setting clear personal boundaries helped. I learned to focus on my actions, my decisions, and my commitment—regardless of outside opinions.

One practical strategy changed everything: honoring my word completely. Every commitment became non-negotiable. Whether it was attending a workout or completing a project, I made keeping promises my top priority. This practice rebuilt my self-trust, step by step.

If you're hesitating to restart because you're worried about others' opinions, consider this: restarting isn't about impressing anyone else. It's about aligning your life with who you truly are. Those who judge often wish they had the courage to examine their own lives as deeply.

What’s one commitment you can make today to honor your own journey?

Start there. Progress follows.

-skwally